"Marry someone who can make you laugh in public and scream in bed."

Me giving my friend relationship device. (via dafunnyposts)


“why don’t poor people just get a job?”


(Source: missespeon)


my friend’s dog was sick and couldn’t get up so they were gonna put him down and as his final supper they got him a big mac and when the dog smelled it he shot up and ate it in one bite and lived for three more years

Anonymous said:

im 13 and im going to a party tomorrow but i don't know what to drink


teacher: why are you late?